Watching this first episode of Season 5 made me oh so thankful for everything good in my life!
I don't follow tabloids and try not to gossip so I have to say the entire episode was very confusing to say the least. They keep saying everything is hard and emotional and we will have to work through everything. "It is hard not to listen to what the tabloids say and we are the only ones that know what happened."
Unfortunately for me and my kids, we just like watching the show. We only have a vague idea what they were talking about for 75 minutes because we have no idea what actually happened. Nowhere in the show do they address what is happening or what happened in the past to cause such a problem. I think TLC should have offered some sort of explanation to those of us who don't listen to the gossip. I spent every commercial break googling Jon and Kate to try to figure out what they were talking about just so we could watch the show. I really shouldn't have to patronize tmz.com to understand what is happening in a reality show. Nor do I want to. The Gosselins should be able to share only what they feel is appropriate material for the show. The way they, and TLC, are sensationalizing this is only helping the papparazi.
The focus really needs to be back to the kids. The show's focus and the parents focus. It is really a sad situation for everyone involved.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
I'm not living up to my name
and that's okay.............for now.
Although my name "Chipper" was always meant to be sarcastic, sometimes I actually try and succeed at being upbeat and happy. Lately life has been beating me down. It has been really hard to just appear sane, let alone happy. It feels like life is passing me by and my feet are stuck in cement. I can see the things I need to change but I can't get my feet out to make it happen.
I have struggled with post-traumatic stress in the past. This is similar but I can't pinpoint what started this or what will help get me out. I just know I am losing time. I hear the clock tick, I blink, the day is over and no progress was made. I guess if I knew what progress I was looking for that would be a little easier. My kids deserve better than this half-ass version of a mother. I am here, but my thoughts are always somewhere else.
I feel so alone, even knowing that many other people are dealing with these same situations, there is no one to turn to. I have always been a private person. Many people have thought I was a snob or rude when in fact I am often terrified to speak. When I do speak, my words come out all wrong. There are a few people that I am comfortable enough with, but how do you say what you feel in 5 minute conversations that are all too common these days.
I long for someone to tell me I don't have to be perfect. Someone to say, I understand, I am here just because you need me. Talk as long as you need to. Someone who means it. Someone.
Although my name "Chipper" was always meant to be sarcastic, sometimes I actually try and succeed at being upbeat and happy. Lately life has been beating me down. It has been really hard to just appear sane, let alone happy. It feels like life is passing me by and my feet are stuck in cement. I can see the things I need to change but I can't get my feet out to make it happen.
I have struggled with post-traumatic stress in the past. This is similar but I can't pinpoint what started this or what will help get me out. I just know I am losing time. I hear the clock tick, I blink, the day is over and no progress was made. I guess if I knew what progress I was looking for that would be a little easier. My kids deserve better than this half-ass version of a mother. I am here, but my thoughts are always somewhere else.
I feel so alone, even knowing that many other people are dealing with these same situations, there is no one to turn to. I have always been a private person. Many people have thought I was a snob or rude when in fact I am often terrified to speak. When I do speak, my words come out all wrong. There are a few people that I am comfortable enough with, but how do you say what you feel in 5 minute conversations that are all too common these days.
I long for someone to tell me I don't have to be perfect. Someone to say, I understand, I am here just because you need me. Talk as long as you need to. Someone who means it. Someone.
Lost in a Fog
Ever walk through a crowd and try to figure out what the person next to you is thinking?
Wonder why the guy with the scowl on his face couldn't even turn around and apologize when he almost knocked you over?
How about the old lady who left her garbage in a shopping cart for someone else to clean up?
Or the teenager who skidded through the parking lot almost hitting your car?
It's a strange world we live in now........We are so connected to anyone, anytime, anyplace. Yet, we are so far removed from the reality going on around us every day. We can look on Facebook and find out what our cousin is cooking for dinner. We think wow, we are really linked in to everyone's lives, that is great!
But are we? So Joe Schmoe is having meatloaf for dinner. Who is he having it with? Did he enjoy cooking it? Did he buy a frozen meatloaf because his wife just left him and he doesn't know how to cook? AHA - that might be why he was too preoccupied to notice that he bumped into you while paying for the frozen meatloaf he doesn't want to eat but has to so his kids don't notice their mom is gone.
What about Suzy Homemaker with the new baby? The baby is beautiful, the parents are beautiful, and life is just going great! But is it? Maybe Suzy is so afraid and tense and scared she feels like throwing that baby out with the bath water. She is so afraid that she doesn't even see the garbage in the shopping cart and hurries back to the car. She keeps putting one foot in front of the other hoping for a better day.
Cool as Cucumber Kevin just got a new set of wheels for his 18th birthday and wants to show them off to his girlfriend. He stops off to buy her some flowers. But as he pulls in the lot he gets a call from his mom that his dad is in the hospital and has two hours to live. He speeds away and doesn't realize he almost hit your car. He can only see his fathers face.
Those are the real things going on in your friends and neighbors lives. From the front porch looking in - life is great. Post on Facebook some funny antecdotes and connect with your long lost friends. What a farce! Do the people that are your "friends" really care if you like nose rings? NO! It's like standing there listening to random thoughts and "feeling" connected when what they should be doing is talking to real live people and connecting!
Everyone around us has a story to tell! Every man, woman, and child is fighting a battle of their own. Each person that appears perfect on the outside has fallen apart and is fighting to hold it together now.
Do you know?
Do you care?
Wonder why the guy with the scowl on his face couldn't even turn around and apologize when he almost knocked you over?
How about the old lady who left her garbage in a shopping cart for someone else to clean up?
Or the teenager who skidded through the parking lot almost hitting your car?
It's a strange world we live in now........We are so connected to anyone, anytime, anyplace. Yet, we are so far removed from the reality going on around us every day. We can look on Facebook and find out what our cousin is cooking for dinner. We think wow, we are really linked in to everyone's lives, that is great!
But are we? So Joe Schmoe is having meatloaf for dinner. Who is he having it with? Did he enjoy cooking it? Did he buy a frozen meatloaf because his wife just left him and he doesn't know how to cook? AHA - that might be why he was too preoccupied to notice that he bumped into you while paying for the frozen meatloaf he doesn't want to eat but has to so his kids don't notice their mom is gone.
What about Suzy Homemaker with the new baby? The baby is beautiful, the parents are beautiful, and life is just going great! But is it? Maybe Suzy is so afraid and tense and scared she feels like throwing that baby out with the bath water. She is so afraid that she doesn't even see the garbage in the shopping cart and hurries back to the car. She keeps putting one foot in front of the other hoping for a better day.
Cool as Cucumber Kevin just got a new set of wheels for his 18th birthday and wants to show them off to his girlfriend. He stops off to buy her some flowers. But as he pulls in the lot he gets a call from his mom that his dad is in the hospital and has two hours to live. He speeds away and doesn't realize he almost hit your car. He can only see his fathers face.
Those are the real things going on in your friends and neighbors lives. From the front porch looking in - life is great. Post on Facebook some funny antecdotes and connect with your long lost friends. What a farce! Do the people that are your "friends" really care if you like nose rings? NO! It's like standing there listening to random thoughts and "feeling" connected when what they should be doing is talking to real live people and connecting!
Everyone around us has a story to tell! Every man, woman, and child is fighting a battle of their own. Each person that appears perfect on the outside has fallen apart and is fighting to hold it together now.
Do you know?
Do you care?
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